Sometimes the most profound relationships in your life start with something as arbitrary as the alphabet.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how random life really is. Not in a "nothing matters" way, but in a "wow, the tiniest coincidences can completely change your trajectory" way. And nowhere is this more obvious to me than when I think about how I met one of my closest friends.
Picture this: it's 2012, I'm 11 years old, and I'm starting Year 7. I'm in that awkward pre-teen phase where I desperately want to fit in but also maintain some independence. I had this whole thing where I didn't want a best friend - I was happy with having a bunch of friends but didn't want anyone to get too close. Peak emotional unavailability at age 11, if you will.
Then alphabetical seating happened.
When A meets B
In our school, only maths and science were done in sets in Year 7. Because I was in set 1 for both, I ended up seated next to this girl whose surname started with B. Mine's Aziz, so naturally, we were alphabetically destined to sit together.
At first, I genuinely couldn't decide if I liked her or not. One week we'd get on like a house on fire, laughing at everything and bonding over our shared love of 5 Seconds of Summer, Sleeping With Sirens, and All Time Low (peak 2012 music taste, obviously). Then the next week she'd say something a bit standoffish or rude, and I'd think "wow, she's horrid."
We were both standoffish and insecure pre-teens, so this weird push-and-pull dynamic lasted about two months. Looking back, I think we were both trying to figure out if we actually liked each other or if we were just stuck together by the cruel hand of alphabetical fate.
But she was persistent. We joke to this day that she forced me to be her friend, and honestly? I'm eternally grateful she did.
How we shaped each other
What's wild is how much we ended up influencing each other over the years. That initial music bond was just the beginning. We discovered we both loved history and reading, got way too invested in politics and morality for teenagers, obsessed over pop culture and celebrities, spent hours discussing Harry Potter theories, and bonded over movies. We were both natural entertainers and jokesters who somehow managed to get along with all the different groups and cliques at school - we had this ability to float between social circles without really belonging to just one.
We also had this uncanny ability to find the most niche content creators. Even now, 13 years later, we'll find some super obscure podcast or YouTuber with like 10K subscribers, get all excited to recommend it to each other, and then discover the other person was already subscribed and has been a fan for months. It happens so often it's genuinely insane.
She helped me become more emotionally mature. I was pretty cold and detached as a kid - typical "I don't need anyone" energy. But her pushing to actually be my friend and act more like a human helped me grow in ways I probably wouldn't have otherwise. I learned how to let people in, how to be vulnerable, how to care about someone else's feelings as much as my own.
On the flip side, I've watched her become much less anxious over the years. She used to deny being nervous or anxious about anything, even when it was obvious she was. Throughout the course of our friendship, she's learned to admit when she's feeling overwhelmed and actually talk through her worries instead of pretending they don't exist.
The long game
We're still in touch 13 years later - still very much one of my closest friends. We only see each other once or twice a month now because life gets in the way, but every time we hang out, it's like no time has passed at all.
We've seen each other through everything: deaths in the family, career changes, family trauma, major life decisions. She's been there for all of it, and I've been there for all of hers.
I often say I don't tell her how much I appreciate her enough, but I know she's aware. We talk about it sometimes - this weird, lasting impact we've had on each other's characters. How different we both are from where we started at 11, but how important we still are to each other.
The butterfly effect of it all 🦋
Here's what gets me: what if our surnames had been different? What if her family name started with Z and mine still with A? What if I'd been in set 2 instead of set 1? What if the teacher had decided to do seating arrangements differently that day?
I think about this alternate timeline sometimes. Would I have learned to be more emotionally open without her persistence? Would she have learned to acknowledge her anxiety? Would we have found each other anyway through shared interests, or would we have just been ships passing in the night?
The scary truth is probably that we would have been completely different people. Not worse or better necessarily, just... different. And that's what's so mind-blowing about it all.
The randomness of connection
This isn't just about my friendship, though. It's about how many of our most meaningful relationships start with these tiny, seemingly insignificant moments. The person you sat next to in a lecture who became your business partner. The colleague you got stuck with on a group project who's now in your wedding party. The person you bumped into at a coffee shop who changed your entire perspective on something.
We like to think we're in control of our lives, that we seek out the people who are good for us and the experiences that shape us. But the truth is, so much of it is just... coincidence. Alphabetical order. Random seating charts. Being in the right set at the right time.
It makes you wonder about all the potential friendships and connections we miss because of these tiny variables. All the people who could have been important to us if we'd just been seated one row over, or if we'd taken that class a term later, or if we'd decided to sit in a different part of the cafeteria that day.
Why this matters
I guess what I'm trying to say is: pay attention to the random people you get thrown together with. That person you're partnered with for a group project might end up being your maid of honour. That colleague who got assigned to your team might become your co-founder. That person sitting next to you because of alphabetical seating might become one of the most important people in your life.
We never know which random encounter is going to be the one that changes everything. And maybe that's beautiful, even if it's a bit terrifying.
Sometimes I think about thanking whoever made the decision to seat us alphabetically in Year 7 science. They probably have no idea that their arbitrary system created a friendship that's lasted over a decade and fundamentally shaped who we both became as people.
But then again, maybe that's the point. Maybe the most important things in life aren't planned at all. Maybe they just happen, quietly and without fanfare, in the space between A and B.
🦋 Sometimes the smallest changes create the biggest transformations.